Moving Through → Shock/“Anger”
Written by Cara Barth, CTA-Certified Life Coach-Specializing in Grief and Loss
In the last two posts in this series, we explored Loss/ “Pain” and their partner Fear, where we learned that Loss/”Pain” and Fear do not need to be stopping points for changes occurring in one’s life. Instead, these patterns of the grief cycle can be seen as places of growth. While these places of grief can produce fear, I want to encourage you to keep moving—feeling pain teaches us truth!
“The process of grieving involves pain because it is a birthing process, a stretching and tearing that opens the way for a new spirit to emerge. It requires the knitting together of painful and pleasant memories to discover a new way of understanding ourselves.” –Dan Moseley
Shock and “Anger” are the next phases of grief that can come into play. This is where the body and mind go into a holding pattern of self-preservation and when “fog time” descends. We go into a mode of survival and can feel a numbness. Statements such as “I can’t keep a thought going,” or “I can’t breathe,” can be expressed and experienced. The awareness that events lie outside our range of understanding or control, prevents us from adequately picturing the future. Holding onto foundational truths can ease the shock and help lift the veil during these times.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Prov 3:5-6)
Disorientation from a transitional shock breeds anger. Anger is a natural response to an identity crisis. We want concretes. We want answers and the foundational structures of our life back. The comfort zone in life, when removed, backs us into a corner and we come out swinging! Being angry is a very natural response to loss or change. In his book Lose – Love – Live, Dan Moseley states, “Anger is, among other things, the response the body feels when it senses a threat.” Dealing with these emotions and physical responses to change in our lives can define future health or further crisis. There comes a point in every person’s life where one must decide his/her own path. Left or right could mean you end up in place of wonderful transition and growth or a state of stagnation and regression. We use these situations to either wake ourselves up or put ourselves to sleep. The good news is that all of these transitional patterns are natural, God-directed, and growth-producing if we allow them to be. Each step provides the catalyst for the next phase of the healing process which includes:
Protest/“Remembering” → Disorganization/“Guilt” → Reorganization/“Forgiving” → Recovery/“Gratitude”
Being in touch with our Shock/“Anger” is a vital part of growing emotionally, physically and spiritually. All of this may feel like a huge maze we must maneuver to find an unknown ending. However, it may be when there’s a big disappointment, change, or “shake-up” in our lives, that we find ourselves at the beginning of a great adventure!
Read the quotes below then consider the following questions:
What does your gut feel?
What is your “head-talk”?
What sets you in a rage or angers you now that never did before?
What would your personal “quote” about shock/anger say?
“In that moment, I welcomed back the light and let go of the fear, the feelings of unworthiness, the past, the loss, the wallowing, the grief and the anger. I let go of the illusion of control in our losses, of our afflictions.”
–Ariana Carruth“But if she let go of her anger, all that would remain was grief and pain. Anger was easier. Anger could be focused outward. Grief corroded from within.”
–Robin Hobb“You keep storing up all that anger and grief. Eventually it spills over. Or you drown in it.”
–Leigh Bardugo