The 6 Pieces of “Transitional Grief Patterning”
Written by Cara Barth, CTA-Certified Life Coach-Specializing in Grief and Loss
In our first discussion of this series, I presented an introduction to the process, where I explained that change is the only certainty. As we progress into this next discussion, let me share a thought on how one might gather tools to go through transitional chaos and come out with foundational clarity.
One major tool for success is gathering information. Knowledge equals strength. The more we understand a process, the more empowered we feel.
Knowledge of the Phases
If someone dies or leaves us, if we lose a job, friend, or pet, if we change careers, or another large part of our life is disrupted in some way, we experience loss. Grief is the healing process our subconscious uses to help us readjust to life altering changes or transitions. Individuals enter into these transitional cycles and spend time bouncing from feeling-to-feeling until we reach a point of acceptance and readjustment. However, one thing to understand is that there is no particular order to this process. As we move in and out of the cycles we must be kind to ourselves. Here enters the “maître” or grace. Simply put, grace must first and foremost be gifted to ourselves. Only then can it flow out to others whom are present in these shifting seasons of life.
There are many theories and explanations of the grief cycle. In my experiences, research, and study I have found that Dan Moseley’s “Six Transitional Grief Patterns” hold true. Here’s an outline of the pattern:
1: Loss/”Pain” → 2: Shock/”Anger” → 3: Protest/”Remembering” →
4: Disorganization/”Guilt”→ 5: Reorganization/”Forgiving” →
6: Recovery/”Gratitude”
As I stated earlier, these are not defined transitions but touch points where we can explore the loss. Nick Hornby described this well in his book A Long Way Down:
“Hard is trying to rebuild yourself, piece by piece, with no instruction book and no clue as to where all the important bits are supposed to go...The outward manifestations of an inner combustion are never very directed.”
Strength in Process
As hard as this might seem, take heart my friends. For the Lord created us to be beings that can survive hardship. He has placed deep inside each of us coping skills which allow healing in a productive way—if we allow ourselves to take the faith steps needed to do so as each grief phase arises. Each cycle can teach us about who we truly are and what we will become in our next season.
We’ll look at each of the “Six Transitional Grief Patterns” in more detail throughout the next few weeks. In the meantime, consider reflecting on the following prompts:
Any kind of growth requires giving up one thing for something else. What do you feel your losses are lately?
Examine your emotions and create something. Creativity and pain go hand and hand. What is a creative outlet for you?
Set your intention to grow and learn through this process. What does a positive outcome look like to you? Define it.
Ask the hard questions of yourself, God, and others around the “whys.” Write a letter or list of everything you’d like to know as you embark on a healing journey.
As I close this discussion around the phases of loss, I pray you feel more enlightened and empowered. I will leave you with a final thought….
“The path is the goal. The source of our wisdom is whatever is going to happen to us today. What we do accumulates; the future is the result of what we do right now. When we find ourselves in a mess, we don’t have to feel guilty about it. Instead, we could reflect on the fact that how we relate to this mess will be sowing seeds of how we will relate to whatever happens next. We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves strong.”
– Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart – Heart Advice for Difficult Times